Facing the Truth
A story about finally facing the truth
There was a woman who stayed at home and took care of her husband in the last few months of his life. It was not easy but she felt honored to spend as much time with him at the end as she could. Eventually the day came and he died in her arms at home. She will never forget that day.
“so she followed that truck for an hour, all the time going from no-that-can’t-be-him to what-if-it-is? ”
Even though it is seven years later, she would tell you that the day he husband died often feels just like yesterday. She also related a story about the day she finally faced the truth of her husband’s death.
She was out doing some errands when she noticed that a man in a truck ahead of her looked just like her husband. At first she said to herself “Come on, you know he died.” Another part of her said “What if?”, so she followed that truck for an hour, all the time going from no-that-can’t-be-him to what-if-it-is? Finally it hit her that her husband was dead and that man in front of her could not possibly be him. She turned her car around and headed home.
The pain hit her so hard in that moment that she didn’t make it home right away. She had to pull over to the side of the road and for a half hour she just cried. Looking back she now believes that the moment she accepted his death was when she started to face her loss, feel the pain, and start her grief work in earnest.
Tools
Know that you are not crazy for hoping that they are not gone, just normal.
Accept the loss and feel the pain.
Give yourself permission to do your work knowing that each of us is different and that the way we grieve and the length it takes each one of us is just as unique.
Also, see Taking the time to do your grief work
